Day 88 – Changing it all
Yesterday I went to a party and felt very weird, like that was not my place. The people I was supposed to meet weren’t there and they were not going to be there for another good couple of hours, so basically I am there waiting, standing… I tried to start conversation with people but the groups were already formed and I wasn’t in my social peak. I started to feel anxious and disconnected, and then I realised that was me running a familiar pattern and that it was the time to change it all and commit to my mental diet.
It is funny, once I start a downward pattern, it makes more sense to keep on it than change it because it feels real to me. So, at that moment, I forced myself to list 10 positive things about the situation.
The first one: “it has been my choice to come to this party”. That made me own the situation, and was the trigger to changing it all.
Second one: “hey, a few hours ago I didn’t have any plans and now I have three to choose from”. Again, that put me in an abundance mindset.
So after a few of those, I decided that what I really wanted to do was to get out of the place and go home. Immediately I started thinking about what other people would think of me not going to the other parties they had invited me to, and I changed that to: “I can do whatever I want and I owe explanations only to myself”. I felt much more powerful then. I called my girlfriend and told her I wasn’t going to the party she was going to, but that I wanted to see her, so we decided to meet at my place a couple of hours later.
I used that time to work on a video project. Putting my creativity to work changed my mood, made me felt useful, productive, and I was having fun. By the time my gf arrived at my place I was in an excellent mood, feeling self confident, much more grounded, connected, and we enjoyed a greeeeaaat night.
So tip for myself: list 10 things that are great about the situation. Take charge. Dismiss what others will think. Act.
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t t t thhh thank UUU
I just found this blog again. I guess I should add it to my favs or something.
But I really wanted to comment on this great post. It reminded me of a time when I was in a really really sucky situation. I came home from work and my dog had gone to the sink where there was a big pot about a third full of leftover borsht that had to be thrown out. She picked up the pot and carried it carefully into the livingroom (did I mention she was a very big dog but even so it’s hard to picture her doing this). Then she chowed down on it and made a horrible red mess all over the gray carpet. Horrible! Then, on top of that she destroyed a couple of plants. At this point I imagine the cat providing direction and cheering her on because the cat is much more evil than the dog usually is.
The dirt from the plants was all ground in on top of the red mess. I cleaned it up as best I could and then tried using towels to mop up the red mess. Then I washed them.
Then the washing machine broke down and I had to lug all the soaking wet clothes to my car and take them to the laundromat to wash them. But dumb me used a laundry basket to carry them and the water poured out all over the floor from the laundry room to the front door and all over me.
So about an hour later when the dog and I were sitting in the sun outside the laundromat waiting for it to wash, and I was feeling really grumpy, I decided to make a list of all the good things about the day. Okay I admit it, I wanted to wallow for a while first so I started with a list of all the bad things – I had about 7.
Then I made a list of all the good things and lo and behold! I had 14. Double!
That cheered me up and I felt just fine again.
But I must say I really liked your approach of finding the good in the actual situation and then seeing how it empowered you.
I’ll try that next time.
Great post.